Man, does this kid have a CANNON or what?

Clawson's two-sport RAZZLE-DAZZLER Ty Sparks is 5-1 on the pitchers' mound this spring for the Trojans baseball squad.

You might remember Sparks from the last couple falls on the gridiron in CLAWVILLE. He's one of the OC's most lethal and productive prep quarterbacks, amassing 2,300 yards and a county-leading 23 touchdowns as a junior in 2013.

So obviously, whatever his athletic endeavor, the Trojans HUMAN SPARKLER throws STRAIGHT FIRE!!!

Beware all future competition; it's inevitable, you're probably going to get burned when going up against THE TY GUY

Sound the alarm CLAWVILLE constabulary, we've got a THREE-ALARM SPECIAL on the corner of 14 Mile and Main St.

Watch out for spotted dogs and large red trucks with latters on top!!!